Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Hurriedly Scribbled #2

This one is a little late, but since my blog crossed 8,00,000 views a few hours back, today's countdown post is very much in order.

So, if someone were to ask you, what was the one thing you discovered in the year of life which just went by, what would you say? Really - its a question to which you must write an answer in the comment box below. What I want to see is if you can actually stop at scribbling one thing down. In an entire year, one could discover so much about himself, about life, about people. Can there actually be that one, overpowering thing which towers above all the other experiences of life, establishing itself in a position of dominance, from where it stands a chance of influencing and shaping your life?

As is apparent, I asked this question to myself. I often do, but I wake up to different answers. As of today, my answer would be, that the 24th year of my life was significant because it was in this time period that I discovered feminism. I am not sure if my discovery was related to unearthing a mini-feminist sitting crouched somewhere inside me, but I have definitely become more sensitive to the misogynistic strains which permeate the air we unconsciously breathe. Honestly put, its troublesome, to see how stereotypes relating to gender and sexuality are just accepted without challenge, and to find yourself become sensitive and reactive to them. Its an honest admission. I reckon I was better off when I could laugh at those of my ilk when others chose to make a joke out of them. This day, I cannot. I don't get messed up with anger, but rightfully indignant I do become when I see biological limitations becoming a curse, and social conditioning getting more regressive by the day. Try as hard as I might, I cannot laugh at what Kapil Sharma puts up as humour. It was funny for the initial bit, but to make a trend of laughing at women, servant class, and obese people - no, it just doesn't work any more. I did hear someone call Kapil the Shekhar Suman of our times, and with whatever little I remember of Movers & Shakers, I tend to disagree. Lets leave the rants at that.
A magazine I edited while heading the Women Studies and Development Cell, back in JMC

I don't like cooking. I don't want to cook. I always knew it was a difficult position to assert, but the fact that I would have to negotiate with not just individuals, rather entire communities to have this fact understood was not known to me. Ask Neha, please, how I routinely burn my eggs even in the simplest of recipes, or how I almost always end up adding extra salt in my maggi, sometimes even twice the amount of that extra salt, and you would know what kind of a culinary cripple I am talking off here. A few years back, I had even heard of a phenomenon called 'Mageirocophobia', which is the fear of cooking, and had conveniently adopted the label, till it was shrugged off by the dust of sookha aata on the chappati I was learning to flatten with a rolling pin. I can finally get them nice and round, but its only as enjoyable as a once-a-fortnight craft activity for me. I would enjoy painting the kitchen walls with vegetable dyes in an equal proportion. Unfortunately for many around me, this was the year I discovered Rokeya Sakhawat Hossain, Simone de Beauvoir and Parveen Shakir. I discovered Virginia Woolf and via the might of her quill, I understood the possibilities which would have been snatched from the hands of a certain, fictional Judith Shakespeare. (Among many of my professors, Dr. Baran Farooqi I specifically need to thank here). I learnt how economics influences the social, and how soon the personal starts becoming political. Vague? Well, yet again, a coffee invite is open. By the way, do you have any theories about the origin of the concept of incest? Try researching, some awesome nonsense might raise its ugly head in front of your eyes then.

The above is only a minute fraction of what has been festering inside me since long. It was the most pleasant journey of my life which probably ended up turning me into a feminist. Probably. And no, it is not because of some harsh experiences related to my body or sexuality. Yes, those are avenues of study for anyone wanting to delve into the politics of gender, but this is not the trigger for me. My problems started surfacing with something much more basic, perhaps even trivial to the world - emotions. Caught teary-eyed in certain situations, I realized that my valid concerns were being overlooked, undermined, just because tears, or sentimentality have come to acquire gendered connotations. I was not always PMSing while I was trying to make the world understand what part of me was hurting and why. In case of conflicts, primarily with the other sex, it was always expected of me to see reason, logic, and abandon emotions as they stifle fruitful outcomes. I failed to find logic in situations which had feelings attached at the very core of them. If I cry, I am emotional. If they show temper, they are not. Its sort of baffling, and ridiculous. And this did not end till one day I decided I will not go down to the level of logic till they decided to rise to the level of emotions. The process of othering, which I always found ludicrous, is the only refuge my expressions in this case have come to adopt.
Aaqib Raza Khan and his magic lens, yet again

I have a paper on gender, two days from now. You can see I am decently prepared. Superficially yes, but I'll conquer my syllabus soon.

The 24th year of my life was also the one where I discovered poetry and mythology. And some fantastic relationships. I'll pen them down soon too. For now, 6 days to go!
(This post is an hour late, hence I quote the figure 6)

19 comments:

  1. Well , it will need a post to be written about ( which incidentally lies in draft as of now ) .

    But the answer to your question is i discovered a strength in me that i had never called upon before. It is not in things i do , but maybe right now it is in the things i plan or i suppose i can do. My thoughts and my ideas dont need me to seek approval. That is something i find new and welcoming inside me.


    PS : a wonderful post. I could relate to many things here, except cooking :p some day i need a date with you. Just you and me. I bet there's a lot of things unwritten here. I wabt to hear those.

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    1. I love what you have shared. The need to seek constant approval sure is the doom of a lot of us. That voice hiding deep within us, that is all we should sometime consult while deciding on a course of life.

      And yes, coffee sure is on!

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  2. Whoa…I can clearly make out something strong and beautiful inside you have been shaken but the strong girl you are as I come to know from your blogs I am sure you will come out of it sooner or later; much stronger and prettier. And tell those people who need reason and logic that emotion itself is the biggest reason and strongest logic.
    As for me, this year I promised myself, instead of seeking love in others I should love myself. It is an age old saying but it took time for me to adopt it but I am happy with this new discovery of my life.
    Sorry, I couldn’t keep up my promise of attending PACH but sooner or later I will join you there. I really really want to meet a wonderful person like you.

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    1. The entire pursuit of love can be put to rest when one realizes that one perhaps is love, full and growing and capable of nurturing others. We should meet Alka! I'll also talk to you about PACH and other interesting things I have been a part of around the city :)

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  3. Laughing at women, servant class, and obese people - no, it just doesn't work any more #samefeeling
    Movers & Shakers > > Comedy Nights with Kapil
    Trust me these #90s brought up kids like us.......INKA KUCH NAHIN HO SAKTA :P

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    1. Perfectly said, and I am so glad to see you on my blog! Thanks :)

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  4. "And this did not end till one day I decided I will not go down to the level of logic till they decided to rise to the level of emotions" - dil khush ho gaya ye line padhe ka...... bahut umda

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    1. And mera dil khush ho gaya tera comment padhke, both here and on whatsapp. Thanks friend!

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  5. To answer your question, I discovered that i could write some decent things.

    But more importantly, this post is one of the best I have read in recent times. And I agree about the point that refers Kapil. To me the last para was the best. It is just plain sad that we have stamped the word emotional with some negative sentiment or sometime even to ridicule.

    Oh btw my sister Princy would agree with each sentence and emotion here. She could even feel vindicated after reading this (and I am assuming she has read this already)

    P.S: by the time i ended up reading this your views increased by more than 20. Kudos to Nascent Emissions!

    Much Love.

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    1. I don't know if I am right, but have you acquired the 'much love' habit from me?

      Well, you are capable of writing really amazing things, and practice in that direction should never be abandoned. I won't let you. And Ask Princy to leave her responses too, I would love to hear what she has to say about her discoveries in life.

      And thanks for the compliment bachche :)

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    3. I may have. I have know idea where it came from but now that you have mention it, it could have been you. :D

      And here we go, Princy with her thoughts (quite elaborated). Its good to hear from her.

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    4. It indeed is! I love her comment, honest and long :P :)

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  6. I think when the last birthday(2013) happened I thought what a crap year and all I had was bitterness. And when I think of this birthday and year that went by I think I learned too much. I learned confidence. I learned how to make friends again. I rediscovered poetry. I learned I have a right to be happier and I learned some people are indeed there without any selfish goal. I think you and lot of you gave me confidence to stand among strangers and recite. I think it was only in my recitations by December did I stopped sweating or being giddy so thanks a lot.

    I also learned, I can also teach and with confidence one day. I was never sure of the profession that choose me but the year told me why is it my calling. I was scared, I was paranoid but I taught and in those months I started to love it and made my students love me. The greatest gift I say :)

    As far feminism is concerned. Maybe a chit chat over coffee is demanded for it. I discovered it in many ways like you. Graduations and my professors there made me love it. Luce Irrigary made me ingrain it. How I loved Wolf too then. And then the prof who taught me Derrida made me see lot of things. He is still my ideal and yes a he made me love feminism is the beauty of it. Slowly I discovered prejudices and reading Simone and then Hooks has had an impact. If you read racism and feminism together, it effects more.

    But I rediscovered feminism more when I taught and discussed and argued with my students. Now I even see the intricacy of ads like that of head and shoulder. Too much I can go on. But what saddens me is feminism has acquired a negative meaning. For me its empowerment, its equality, its vote, its everything which half the population is denied. It is something that irks me and yet it doesn't make me hate men for many believe in it as me.
    Cooking and me have had the same history but someday somehow I fell for it when I wanted to. Not because people wanted me to.

    See I told you I can go on and on.
    Maybe someday when we meet again :)

    I loved your post and your introspection and your insights. Your emotions are your gem. You have long way to go and lot of happiness is waiting.
    Cheers :)

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    1. Discovery via explorations and discussions is always so special! Thanks to your suggestions, I shall be soon seeing Irigaray's conception of Marxist Feminism. Her concepts interested me, I just never had enough time to explore her. I hope that changes soon.

      You're a beautiful poet, and I am sure, you're a wonderful teacher too. Wish you all power and success. Find out a little more about the world and yourself - each day!

      Love.

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  7. If i cry, I am emotional. If they show temper, they are not. THRILLED.
    The trend has always been to compromise. Few happen to be the ones who refuse to do so. Iam the simply the latter one. Long drawn out, raucous, male-dominant, and viciously polarized is what makes the most of our so called society.
    I'am quite a keen watcher. and i find it difficult to recall when i last heard an informative debate on anything other then Elections and something possessing this much weight. only if we had extremely knowledgeable and outstanding orators like you. but we rarely get to listen/read to something like this. having to listen instead to those who have superior lung power. You are one Extraordinary person. I bow to you Saumya Di._/\_
    And you know me soo well big brother :D

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    1. I can see the extent of your repressed (and expressed) anger via the strong usage of words in this comment. I am thankful for the compliments, but I would like to interact a lot more with you, get to know your ideas and thoughts on all that transpires in your world and in your heart. Do grant me the privilege someday!

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  8. Last year was very bad, at the end of it I lost my love, my partner, my wife whom I loved as i have loved no one. I am still crying, now silently to hide my tears from others, and constantly thinking of ways to bring her back from the grave, where I go often sit by her side and cry for hours, there is no one around the place is desolate like my life. Last year ended everything for me I am just living because I am not dead as yet, O! God how can you be so cruel.

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    1. Oh dear!

      I wish you strength to see through the tough times, and be a support for all dear ones who are equally affected. Will remember you in my prayers.

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