If I Could

If I could

I would tell you

That I love the idea

Which brews

With your aroma

And dies with my soul.

You're tastefully forbidden

Majestically hidden

Tragically unbidden

In this land

Which unfolds

Into folds

Of my existence

Screechingly tugging at yours.

If I could

I would tell you

That I want that story

To plain be true

Which I conjured

Out of the concoction

You held in your hands

And more so in your eyes.

As our gaze met

Unflinchingly

Mischievously

Menacingly

I moved to your side

Just to avoid your eyes.

If I could

I would tell you

That inebriation is the cue

With which I come through

To drink pieces of you.

I like treasuring you numb

I like being dumb

To all but your being

Equally drunk

On prying me out

Of the haze of noise

And smoke of humanity.

You're majestic

Each time I drink to desire.

If I could

I would tell you

That held hands

Are normal.

They're cool

Like all instances

Of pretended normality.

Holding hands is the only

Transcendence of morality.

Rest follows on its own

I hope it follows soon
On the same,
Pretended course of normality. 

If I could

I would tell you

That not writing to you

Is not an option

It is a curse

Customized

To our love.

As I write to you

I write you

An unbecoming tale

As I repeatedly fail

To say any of this to you.

If I ever could

Even then I wouldn't

Let you know

How easy and true

Was it to get through

This funny notion of love

I happily hold

As a recipe of remorse

I am adamant

To never share with you.

I'm forever keeping from you

The idea of you

I uniquely own

Whether you do, or not

Say 'I do'.