Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Oh Ridiculous Love!

No. I am not at all attempting to shed my image as a cheesy, hopeless romantic. Nor am I trying to opulently put on display some new found sagacity in matters of the heart, arrived at by some personal bitter experience. I am only amused at something I read. And in the present context of everything happening around me, I find it worth recording on my blog.

What is happening in my life is irrelevant. But largely, suffice to say that love-lorn hearts (including my own) are strewn around me; most with an ache- the others brimming with (transitory) bliss. In this transitional phase in life, transitioning towards maturity, we, inter alia, grow from being a student to a professional, from being carefree to being responsible, from being a dependent to an independent...and alongside, with a presumptuousness we form philosophical perspectives on various aspects of life. One of these perspectives, inevitably, is about love. The grandiloquence of it, or the mere futility of it.

Though my beliefs ascribe to the former category, there was a King in erstwhile times, approximately around the seventh century A.D., who immortalized himself in a single line, perspicuously displaying his disapproval of any heart that ever loved- "Dhik tam cha, taam cha, madanam cha, imaam cha, maam cha." In particular, he displays his disapprobation toward those who are attracted towards others, disregarding and being unfaithful towards their own beloved ones. Story says that Bhartihari, a distinguished scholar and poet, besides being a King, composed a verse after discovering the infidelity of his wife, which approximates in English as-
"She, of whom I think ceaselessly, is indifferent to me, 
She yearns after another man, who himself is attached to a third one,
While some other woman pines away for me,
Fie on that woman, on him, on the God of love, on my wife, and myself!"
(यां चिन्तया सततं मयि सा विरक्ता
साप्यनमिच्छति जनं स जनोन्यसक्तः
अस्मत्कृते च परितुष्यन्ति काचिदन्या
धिक् तां च तं च मदनं च इमां च मां च )
 What the poet alludes to in the above verse is a time tested consternation; I call it time tested because what the poet experienced in his mature years, a lot of my friends are experiencing in their yet young times. The extrapolation of the above line approximates to the poet's feeling that true love in this world in rare. Man tries to locate his happiness in that of his loved ones, and when he discovers them to be unfaithful, he turns wholly averse to the very concept of love. Sounds familiar? It does to me! When people question me (and sometimes when I question myself) about the idealistic nature which we attribute to a feeling as subjective and formless as love, at times I have no answer but just a smile which seeks to convey an incorrigible belief in the truth of this feeling. Sometimes that smile is to check within myself if the belief/faith is still there. May be according to the poet above, true love can exist only if it satisfies a condition of double coincidence of desires; which are not as rare in the present world as would be in a barter economy. May  be I hold consonance with this thought. But may be I don't.

I only seek to shy away questions of how and why which tirelessly attempt to generalize the wonder that love is. Unfortunate is the fact is that that people start generalizing the notions of love only after they think they've been scathed by it. So, a lot of times, they don't generalize, but demonize it- curse whom they once loved, curse the feeling itself. I know things get harsh and hard sometimes, but they are always meant to. This one thought should never be lost sight of. There stands no example of an enduring tale of love which has not been tested amid the worst of circumstances. It stand tall if it survived the test, and it crumbled if it could not. The fact also is that it crumbles only to give way to something more worthy in its place. 

This might sound like an overtly optimistic thinking; but I do not know a better way of living. I, from whatever I have learnt in life, will always avoid generalizing love. I usually believe in love stories which propagate the love is forever doctrine, in the most convincing way; but have also caught myself sometimes philosophizing about it having an organic character - something that lives, breathes and has a life span. The eternity is then justified as something sublime, which ends with the people in love, but ends for sure. Love sometimes is a strength, the other times the biggest weakness of a person. A firm believer in love is only once in a lifetime dogma, I have often urged, and encouraged people to move on; and have even witnessed perfectly successful love stories emanate out of the second or even the third tryst of love for some people. Holding on and letting go are both contradicting essentials for knowing and experiencing love. There is a lot which is ideal about love, nothing that can be idealized about it. Our best bet is to live it while it lasts. To hold on till we can. To be happy, and spread the smiles. Thereafter, if ill omens do manifest, faith will lead you on. And if it does not, you should know that you have to let go. Love is a feeling to make your life beautiful and worth living; not to turn it into a grotesque painting with all the wrong colors at all the wrong places. And if the latter is what you feel has happened with you, did you not know that the artist capable of redrawing the painting resides very much within you?

PS- If you read through till here, and you liked even a little of what you read, and you are a person in love, and you are slow-and-not-so-expressive, take this at the perfect opportunity of letting someone know, in may be a little sentence that he/she is special to you. Trust me, it might mean the world to someone. Even if it is just a friend, sometimes you simply need let people know.


  1. Wah bhai wah!
    Ill read it again tomorrow :)
    Fir comment karunga kuch samjha to.

  2. :) :) Saumya di... absolutely LOVE-ly !! :D

  3. @Twishmay
    Aap twice comment karoge? I want to live to see the commitment fulfilled. And samjhe nahi toh 'wah' kya hai? Kuchh bhi! Thanks anyway!

  4. Hey Kanika! That was really quick. For my request at the end, you can tell me that you love me :P

  5. I've always been a believer of eternal love. But certain second-hand experiences have made me slightly disillusioned towards it too. A friend of mine supposedly 'fell in love', after which she changed as a person (and not in a good way). She didn't mind that guy hurting her feelings because she 'loved' him. What do you do then?

    But keeping all that aside, another awesome post Saumya di! And I'm still a believer! :D

  6. dunno how far i agree...:-) but anyway,for your sake,i hope the philosophy you espouse here,works out for you at the end...and till the end....:-)

  7. hahaha!
    I love you, di..
    I love how you manage to smile even in the darkest hour..
    I love the way you write..
    I love the way you you spread so much love n warmth..
    I love the way you are YOU, no matter what..
    I love your quest for learning..
    I love a lot of things about you...

    So basically, this shows that I'M a very loving person :P

  8. @Sanchari
    Now that is what I call a classic case of disillusionment. And that happens because of the very ideal notions of love I wrote about. Anyway, relationships today have been made complicated because most of us choose to abandon simplicity and think and rationalize beyond what is healthy.

    Thanks for dropping a comment though. It for once made me revisit a lost of memories associated with close ones:)

  9. @Rahul
    Thank you! And dissensions are permitted. I have a few close people around me with whom the content of this post is constantly under debate. You can join the party too!

  10. @Kanika
    OMG! That was so generous of you, even if the ulterior motive was the establish yourself as an extremely loving person, which, btw, you definitely are. Thanks for all the love. And more!

  11. Hey gud post..i have sent u a mail...did ya get it?

  12. Hey! I just checked your mail, and replied too. Thanks for dropping by :)

  13. There is a warmth in the entire feel of your blog, despite the wintry theme!

    It is very difficult to talk about something as intangible as love in general terms, but you have done a fairly good job!

    From the times of Layla-Majnun to the iPod generation, love has remained pretty much the same everywhere. True love is all about believing that it exists in the heart, without turning bitter to life.

  14. Love is an enthralling feeling. The definition of love is surely variable. My definition may not be valid for you to make it efficacious. The definition cannot be stringent too since you have to accommodate enchantments and amendments at times to make the definition more logical.

    I have introduced a word of probable love to replace everything in the range of eternal love. The probable love is the modern love, in which you investigate your prospect and his/her background in detail. You may even appoint a private Detective for the purpose and say YES to a proposal or initialize a proposal if the background is perfect. The check may even include the horoscope and caste of the prospect as per the extend of your social affiliation.

    In simple terms say yes if the prospect is a good bride/groom in every aspect. I find it very practical but it is also true that people do abuse the method to the core.

    If you have lost the love or failed to attain in yet just understand that you haven't met the person who can understand you and accept you for what you are.

    If you change yourself for the sake of the reciprocation of love from your prospect you will surely pay the penalty later.

    Love is nothing other than the acceptance of a personality even knowing about the worst negative aspects of it. That is my definition and I believe that will be true love too if you are not diluting the condition.

    May the new year bring you love as you like it. :-)

  15. @Destiny's Child
    Welcome to Nascent Emissions. I feel so happy when the warmth I carry in my heart while writing these posts is conveyed to and felt by the readers. Thanks for the appreciation. I had not in the least tried to add dimensions to the feeling of love. I conform to your notions- its something to be believed it. And as I say quite often- live it while it lasts :)

  16. Hey Gopan!
    Before anything else, a word of gratitude to you for taking out time to share your priceless thoughts with me.
    Your concept of 'probable love' sounds much like the antiquated institution of arranged marriages. May be I will have one, so I kind of like to hold them in a positive light. On the other hand, using 'dating' as an effective period to check the compatibility quotient of two individuals I would personally find more efficacious than employing a spy agency to do it. That does sound going a bit too far. I would like to personally test the waters I am about to jump into :)

    To be honest, after writing this much, the cheesy heart inside me kind of feels let down. I want that utterly romantic tale of my own, but then, who does not. Sigh! Thanks for the good wishes though.
    Just know, here, you are dealing with a beyond prescription hopeless romantic. May be I will soon declare it on my blog's header.
    Love and luck for the new year!

  17. Probable love is not a suggestion or my concept, that is what happening these days to make relations perfect! The major difference between arranged marriage and probable love is the selection process. Obviously later will have more choices and rejection is much easier since saying a no may not be so easy atleast in some cases of arranged marriages due to personal commitments.

    The platonic love is still existing as a rare commodity within our world and there is nothing wrong in longing for it, you may get it too. The hopelessness is just an extended level of hope! It can be the indication of nearing results too. don't you think we tend to get things done when we finally stop thinking about it or worrying about it or atleast loosing hope about it.

    Expectation will go to the valley of disappointment if it is not walking with realistic determination but that is not reason to stay away from longing, we just have to maintain a realistic check mechanism to evaluate the progress so that we can bring changes to the original wish to make it more achievable. You may call it compromise but that is essential and will happen in majority cases without our knowledge.

    I still dare to wish you the love you wanted and i can only see positives in your path :-)