Monday, October 5, 2009
At loss for words,
My heart aflutter,
My soul stirred up,
At you I look and marvel.
In Love....yes...this is easily what I can define myself as at present. In love...with what precisely, I don't know. Lost, ambiguous, abstract...this is what the wonderful weather outside forces me to become....and I in total bliss, love the way I am at present. Gazing at my computer screen, with slightly dreamy eyes, sitting beside a giant window, breathing in the freshness carried by the breeze caressing my cheek, marveling at the almost bent tree still obeying nature's command by swaying happily, feeling enveloped by the gray blanket that spreads across sky..... All these things make me inwardly satisfied, infusing in me a respect for the harmonious way in which every single element of this earth is balanced. All this things infuse in me a mystical feeling of LOVE, which, despite being abstract, is rather strongly felt.
Let me search- What is it that I am in love with?
Nature? Yes! Definitely. Look around you. Who on this planet cannot be in love with nature? Her charms, her easy ways of alluring you, and the enormous control she possesses over you...she is just worth submitting to. She is what I fear the most in life, for we have all seen what happens when she is wroth with her subjects. Still, i cant help a smile escaping my lips, as I witness this omnipotent deity, affecting my life in more ways than I can recognize.
A Person? Yes! In love in fact with 'persons', who've shaped me to become what I am today. People, who've stayed by me, and whom all I cherish most fondly, and whose memories i store most carefully in the innermost sanctum of my heart. There is, however, a special person, who in my eyes is elevated just a bit over everyone else. To define and introduce him, it'll take some effort...may be some other time.
An ideology? May be. Yes. An ideology establishes me as a separate entity, leading her life with dignity, yet connected to everything around her by invisible cables, of inexplicable strength.
A Philosophy? Hmmm... A philosophy that tell me that I can see myself in every element around me, and that all these elements around me are what eventually constitute me. Messed. It's good this way. It may be is the abstract aspect of this philosophy, that appeals so much to me.
LIFE? A big YES. Explaining this love-not my cuppa tea. This is the kind of love you can only feel when you experience it. Not that life has been all kind and nice to me. In fact, tomorrow I might experience something that for sometime makes me feel that living is a futile effort. However, come down and think of it. I live, I breathe, I exist....In all these I see a miracle. A miracle that reflects back into this world through a gleam in my own eyes.
Myself? May be not. That is something I expect others to do.